Immortal Peasants

by BAHUMUTH and Angelo Bertolli

	Everett Speartip III crept down the long door-filled hall.  
Every twenty feet, his elven feet passed an Earth Elemental, a 12 
foot high living rock monster standing motionless.  At the end, he 
crept open the last door into the darkness.  Before his second leg 
stood in the room, magical torches burst open dispelling the 
darkness.  At the other end of the room, a cloaked and helmed 
wizard sat staring at him from a platinum throne.  The very 
familiar-looking mage stood up and walked towards Everett putting 
his arm around the elf's neck.
	"Hello, Everett, my dear friend!" shouted Gandalph.  Everett 
knew him well, but had not believed how much power Gandalph had 
aquired since they last met.  "It is wonderful for you to visit 
	"...the Earth Elementals..." Everett stuttered in perfect awe.
	"I know what you're thinking!  Those rock-heads are very weak 
alone, but when joined together, they make an acceptable militia," 
blurted Gandalph.
	Everett said nothing.
	"Come you must take a look at my summer castle.  It isn't 
anything compared to my home, but it's humble," Gandalph said, 
casting a teleportation spell on Everett and then on himself.
	They appeared in a large billiard room.  "This is my game 
room," said Gandalph sitting on a chair next to a chess table.  "Do 
you play?" asked Gandalph interrupting Everett's thoughts of how big 
this room was compared to his castle.  "Yeah," he replied, stting 
down.  Suddenly, his chess pieces began moving.  "Everett?" Gandalph 
noted staring at Everett.  Everett returned the stare to his pawns 
who were moving around his side of the chess board.  "Everett??" 
repeated Gandalph.  Just then a few small pieces jumped onto a large 
piece, making it shrink into a blob before disappearing.  "You sure 
are bad at mental chess!" Gandalph said aloud.  "Your pawns killed 
your king and established a democratic government!"  Gandalph's eyes 
then looked back "Ohhh... you must of been playing Advanced Mental 
	"Uh, yeah," said Everett, still wishing to keep his 
powerlessness a secret.
	"I just couldn't get into that.  How do you moderate the 
strings of time if your Paladin of Darkness opens a dimensional 
door and then casts a timestop spell into the vortex of 
ethereality?" asked Gandalph turning to Everett to find him gone.
	Everett had decided to leave the room to take a look around 
the rest of the castle.  Two hours later, he had made it to the 
next room.  Obviously a music room, Everett look at the hundreds of 
instruments and then sat at the organ.
	Everett touched the B flat.  In a fraction of a second, 
billions of sounds blasted out of the organ, shooting magic 
missiles at the walls, polymorphing a few harps into small 
anphibians, and causing a meteor swarm to hit a small kingdom two 
continents away.  Everett hurched his eyebrows in an evil look and 
began to stretch his hand to run across the keys of the piano.
	"There you are!" shouted Gandalph, "Why did you leave?  I want 
to show you my wheat fields," Gandalph said casting another pair of 
teleportation spells on them.
	As they looked upon the daylight of the outside.  Splinter, 
Gandalph's former halfling apprentice, turned thier corner and 
opened a scroll, reading it.
	"All sing for Gandalph Thebard, 764th the slayer of the Lich, 
497th the killer of the Nightshade, 929th the defeater of..."
	"Yes, yes, they know, they know," Gandalph said calming 
Splinter who had obviously not grown since the last time Everett 
saw him.  A glow that caught Everett's infravision eye and he 
turned to see the manifestation glow of the Immortal, Odin.
	"An Immortal!" shouted Everett.
	"A peasant..." corrected Gandalph.  With that the rest of the 
Immortals began singing, and continued cutting the wheat.

	"Gandalph the Great!
	Gandalph the Great!
	Beware of he who rules the world,
	But has the heart to let us Immortals stay,
	All we have to do is cut and hurl,
	And then he says, 'Can you live? Yes you may!'
	Thank you, Gandalph!
	Thank you, Gandalph!"

	As Everett and Gandalph through the field.  Gandalph corrected 
most of the peasants saying, "Keep singing!" or "Hey!  Stop using 
your powers!  I want this wheat cut by hand!"
	"I'm tired," said Everett.
	"Me too," agreed Gandalph, teleporting them yet again.
	They both appeared in a 30 by 20 kilometer swimming 
pool/bathtub.  Surrounding them was a horde of nude women.  "Who 
are they?" Everett squealed.
	"These are my 30 wives, of course," Gandalph replied.  Everett 
started to say something, but then decided not to.  "You can take a 
few 'for the road' if you want to," said Gandalph.
	"Sure, that one," replied Everett.
	"Sorry..." smirked Gandalph, "she's wizard locked."
	Everett then noted something and said, "Gandalph, why are you 
still wearing that helmet?"  Gandalph took it off and the palace 
disappeared and Gandalph became the low-leveled wizard Everett